Diaries of a Pale Sorority Girl
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Health and Wellness

Diaries of a Pale Sorority Girl

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Diaries of a Pale Sorority Girl

In a world full of bronze goddesses who spend hours basking in the sun, I am - and will forever be - the girl sitting under the umbrella.

For reasons beyond my comprehension, I was granted a complexion similar to that of a piece of computer paper. I have tackled grueling sunburns, and have spent hundreds of dollars investing in SPF 70. Let’s be honest - at this rate, I should just be the spokeswoman for aloe vera. Yes, I have tried laying out. Yes, I have tried spray tanning. And yes, both attempts have failed miserably. Despite my series of unfortunate pale events, I have recently decided to modify my perspective and view the positive aspects of being “the pale one.”

Sorority girls undoubtedly have a fixation with picture-taking, filter-editing, and Instagram-ing. Regardless of how enjoyable or miserable a night may be, you better believe that ten to twelve pictures were taken at the very least. Being the pale girl has made me a rather hot commodity in the picture taking process, merely because I make everyone else appear tanner than they actually are. My innate ability to create this optical illusion usually lands me a spot in the center of a group shot, which is impossible to hate. So yes, I may be surrounded by my tan friends but I am positioned at center stage, a spot sorority girls are willing to fight for. 

Being that I attend a Big Ten school, parties are often crowded, sweaty and infested with intoxicated frat stars. This, in turn, makes it far too simple to lose your friends in the mix of chaos and loud house music. Despite the herds of people that stand in my way, my pale skin creates a spotlight effect, illuminating the room and making me easily identifiable. In a room full of sun-kissed sorority girls, my not-so-sun-kissed skin prevents me from getting lost in the mix of Fratland-ers when the buddy system collapses. 

The winter months are without a doubt a dreaded time for sorority girls throughout the northeast. These months are plagued with frost-bite inducing walks to class, dozens of falls via black ice and the return of ugly puffy jackets. Along with these winter disasters, most girls complain about the loss of their summer glow. To compensate for this loss, girls spend hundreds of dollars on tanning packages and are often still unsatisfied with their completion. Being that I wear my pale look all year long, the winter months don’t cause a change in my appearance, for it is nearly impossible to make the pale paler. Thus, the money I’m not spending on tanning packages can go towards more important things, such as Chipotle and Tobi. 

In the end, I will continue to be referred to as “my pale friend” and will most likely receive a “Kayla, I can’t find you” text after the first snowfall, but I have decided to rock my fair complexion and run with it. So I leave you with this: pale skin is in, and it has never looked so good. 

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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