Three thoughts of varying importance, in no particular order: soccer is dumb, Twitter is cool, Jeopardy! is the best.

In the life of someone with an inconsistent work schedule, no Netflix account, and who has already seen all six Rocky movies at least three times, summer tends to drag by mid-July.

While you rock solid, petroleum engineer majors are slaving away on rigs that apparently encourage you to post 69 different pictures to your My Story of the same worn-down crude machinery, every day, while I sit at home with unwashed and oily hair thinking up different ways to make fun of you in pun form. Things are going well for me. Summer, however, is good for sitting around and figuring out what really matters in your life.

Archimedes discovered buoyancy while sitting in his bathtub, one summer, 2,200 years ago, which turned out to be really important to anyone who would own a boat that they would not ever invite me to hang out on. I have not figured out water-displacement, but I have figured out three other things that are nearly as important to comprehend as understanding why stuff floats. They follow, in no reasonable or particular order.

Penalty kicks are the bane of human existence.

Once every four years, soccer takes over the American summer, captivating the Land of Liberty with finesse, artfully low-scoring games, and flopping so convincing that it might help Leonardo DiCaprio begrudgingly come to terms with the fact that he has never won an Oscar. Eleven little men run around a field for 90, or more, minutes hoping to score one time. If both teams score, which is unlikely, or neither team can kick it in the rectangle (more likely), two 15-minute overtime periods follow. If neither team scores in overtime and, trust me, they probably won't -- then the soccer world decides that they will play what essentially appears to be one-on-one soccer, goalie versus not-goalie, to decide a victor. Really, if you cannot decide who won after 120 minutes of doing one thing, you should probably just abandon it and do something entirely different.  

The NBA should change its overtime to a free-throw shoot-out, too, and the NFL should just see who can throw the ball the farthest if both teams are tied at the end of regulation. You have an 89 in a class at the end of a semester? By soccer logic, you should probably skip the final and just wrestle your professor on the South Oval. I am biased, but soccer is dumb. 

Twitter is the highest and lowest form of human interaction.

Thoughts, news, rants, and emotional rampages are limited to spastic 140 character explosions. Twitter is the most entertaining thing to have ever happened to the Internet and, during the summer  it is the life force that drives the existence of everyone who studies abroad, goes on a mission trip, or has an opinion about how great it is to not be in class. Twitter is a cool and useful way to obtain news -- like what is happening in the stupid World Cup and that Solange Knowles tried to choke out Jay-Z in an elevator a couple of weeks ago.

That is the valuable side of Twitter -- it is quick, efficient, and easy. However, the best part about having a Twitter account -- the part that is dripping with low-brow entertainment value and sleazy distraction -- is following someone who unleashes all of their thoughts on the waiting eyes of the web. Everyone follows someone who tweets way too often about way too personal information. Everyone follows someone who subtweets their feelings every day. Everyone follows a train-wreck twitterer -- someone who tweets details about their life that make you, the lucky follower, feel better about yours. Following these types of Twitter users is the best part about having an account and, some days, is the best part about being alive. This is the lowest form of human interaction, but you do it anyway. And you love it. Shamelessly follow whomever you want to follow, shamelessly feel better about your own life, and shamelessly tweet another selfie of yourself on an oil rig. I probably just retweeted it. 

If you do not watch Jeopardy! you are wrong.

Let’s get this straight. Jeopardy! is not the best show on TV. Girl Code is the best show on TV, bar none. However, if I am not able to sit and watch six straight episodes of Girl Code and learn what women really think about grooming and roommates and shoes, then there is a 100 percent chance that I am sitting in front of the TV watching Jeopardy! and screaming the answers at my television like I am in the studio. You might be making money at your oil internship, but I’m drilling new trivia factoids into my brain from the comfort of my couch. You tell me who the real winner is here. Plus, there is nothing better than watching Alex Trebek subtly belittle someone nearly to tears for not knowing the formula for titanium. Not only is Jeopardy! good for learning almost useless facts about NATO and what kind of potatoes are most popular in Russia, it is also good for your self-confidence. Jeopardy! is good for your soul. Few experiences in life carry better cathartic quality than screaming the correct answer at your TV while the tiny-brained contestant gets it wrong. Oh, you did not know that Stephen Dedalus is a main character in "Ulysses." You must be the dumbest person who has ever lived. I know it. Alex Trebek knows it. And now all of America knows it. 

Three thoughts of varying importance in no particular order or cohesive structure. Soccer is dumb, Twitter is cool, Jeopardy! is the best. I do not really know what this article was about either.