It’s 2 a.m. You just got off the date party bus after dancing your butt off with your date who got a little too hands-y and is now flirting with your best friend, and it hits you: you’re HANGRY.

You rack through a list of places to get food in your head as the hunger begins to eat at your stomach and mind. People are beginning to annoy you, even more than usual, and little things are making you snap. You can’t even think straight or begin to decide what you want to eat, but you need food. You need it now. Well, lucky for you, here is a list ranking the late night food near UK’s campus:

1. Mad Mush.
Boys let you down, friends can be a disappointment, but Mad Mush is always there. Getting back to your room and ordering that large, greasy, cheese stick with a side of extra ranch or nacho cheese (does anyone really use that marinara?) will leave you anxiously looking at your phone until you get The Call that sends butterflies through your body that a text from no boy could. The aroma fills your nose and your mouth starts to water before you inhale as many cheese sticks as your body allows before passing out in bed only to wake up in the morning with the box still open and exposed on the floor and the stale scent of left overs filling your room. 

Doughby’s is only ranked 2nd because of the amount of time it takes to get your food. You call at 12:00, don’t expect your food until 1:00-1:30. But once it’s there, oh, it’s there. Devouring that Rancher calzone will be the last thing you remember before waking up in your bed with a smile on your face and a satisfied feeling in your stomach. Their variety of foods available and delivery option makes it easy and convenient to cater to a variety of people (even that one girl going gluten free who everyone rolls their eyes at when she says no to pizza). 

If it delivered, there is no doubt in my mind Taco Bell would be number one. But since the current distance is undesirable (although apparently there will soon be one on campus..?) it was bumped to 3 just out of inconvenience. But if you’re lucky enough to have a sober friend willing to drive you there, as long as you treat them of course, you hit the Jack Pot. From the Crunch Wrap Supreme to the Cheesy Gordita Crunch, Taco Bell fills your stomach with that warm, and a little unsettling, feeling of satisfaction.     

Hungry but you still want to go out? Head over to Two Keys, refuel with a slice of GoodFella’s pizza, and keep going. The pizza will give you just enough “Oomph”, as my grandma says, to keep the night going. Personally, I recommend getting “The Boss” to go while waiting for your Lyft and animalistically eating it in the safety of your own house, but I encourage you to find your own unique way to devour GoodFella’s pizza. (Example: use it as a chaser.)     

Ah Qdoba, how I remember the times you treated me so well while walking home. You gave me a burrito to keep me warm, chips and queso to keep me satisfied while walking, and a large sweet tea to keep me hydrated. On summer nights, when I’m willing to walk to get your overpriced burrito and chips, you are a God sent gift. But, when it’s cold and I’m running low on cash; don’t expect me to show up on your door step at 2 a.m., you just don’t quite put in the same effort I do. I hope you understand.     

We’ve all been there. That shameful moment you find yourself at Tolly Ho, unsure of how you got there but not quite wanting to leave. Ordering a burger and chili cheese fries which you devour under the judgmental eyes of your peers watching in horror or maybe in respect. You wake up the next morning in a sweat, frantically searching your bedside table for a bottle of water to make the pain go away.  Although Tolly Ho isn’t the best, it’s certainly not the worst choice you can make to satisfy those late-night munchies.     

You got back from the party, the bar, a late night with friends, and you go to order pizza only to get your card rejected and leave you heart broken. “I swear I will pay you back!” you plead into the phone desperately, close to tears. 

“There’s nothing I can do,” They say back, “I’m sorry.” and then, a click.  You scavenge around your kitchen looking for something, anything, to satisfy the hunger. The result: hummus, pretzels, and a soggy left over Subway sub. Sadly, you eat this pathetic combination of food only to return to your bed unsatisfied and hungry for something more. Better luck in the morning, and I only wish you the best. 

Honorable Mention: 

Jet's Pizza. Although it closes at 11:00 p.m. on the weekends, Jets square and pepperoni pizza with a side of ranch has helped me to rally through even the most exhausting darties. One slice of this pizza, and I'm ready to keep the party going. Experience similar results to The Call when you realize your Jet's Pizza has arrived. But don't make this mistake of ordering a round pizza or don't even bother order at all. I recommend to any darty-ers or early birds that went a little to hard too quickly.