27 Signs You're An Ex-Swimmer
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Health and Wellness

27 Signs You're An Ex-Swimmer

17. You still eat like a swimmer even though you shouldn't.

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27 Signs You're An Ex-Swimmer
  1. The only thing you have retained from that formerly hot swimmers bod are the not so hot swimmer shoulders—they’re still the widest part of your body and you still definitely feel like a linebacker.
  2. You may have also kept those massive thigh muscles. Ooh la la. 
  3. You never know what to do with yourself when your friends make you go to a pool for fun and always end up awkwardly swimming around while they stand like normal people.
  4. Bikinis are the worst because you can’t swim around as awkwardly in them. 
  5. Your friends are always astonished when they see you do butterfly for the first time. “How does your body move like that?”
  6. In turn, you are always alarmed by how bad everyone else is at swimming. 
  7. If you’re a lifeguard, seeing parents teaching their four year olds how to swim incorrectly is the worst because you know you can’t help them but you so desperately want to.
  8. Hating yourself while watching the summer Olympics because you didn’t try hard enough—while probably eating a large bag of M&Ms.
  9. Seriously, Missy Franklin makes you kick yourself more than anyone else you can imagine.
  10. You still don’t ever have your nails painted because it was so futile when you swam every day and you’re not used to being able to keep polish on them. 
  11. Any time you spend more than a week out of water—whether it’s a month, six months, or longer—the moment you dive in and get moving at what used to be a normal pace for you, you think “damn, I’m out of shape.” 
  12. Lap swimming without a swim cap is nearly impossible, regardless of how embarrassing it might be to wear one in public.
  13. You’re that weirdo who thinks chlorine is the finest aroma in the world— anyone who says differently is wrong.
  14. If you’re at a public pool just trying to get your workout in and there is only one lap lane, it’s all you can do not to just kind of drown the old man who is swimming in front of you and won’t let you pass. 
  15. And you know he doesn’t circle swim. 
  16. As a matter of fact, most of the population can’t figure out what circle swimming even is and you will hate these people forever and ever. 
  17. You still eat like a swimmer even though you shouldn’t. Carbs on carbs on carbs. 
  18. You can never decide what size suit to buy—you’re never actually racing again but buying a suit that someone who weighs fifty pounds more than you would race in just doesn’t feel quite right.
  19. Except if anyone ever makes you race again, you are going all out. It doesn’t matter if it’s a friendly relay in a lap swimming class; you are kicking butt and taking names. 
  20. You have permanent crevasses in your shins from getting out of the pool for so many years.
  21. You always want to show off your skills to your friends because you probably suck at most things that require running but can’t ever figure out how to go about that without making everyone uncomfortable.
  22. It’s so weird to run your fingers through your hair and it not feel disgusting from chlorine build up. 
  23. While all your friends are swooning over super built guys, you’re over in your own corner swooning over T-shaped bodies and back muscles. And tiny Speedos. 
  24. The favorite drills of your teenage years now sound, and feel, like absolute hell to you.
  25. You are 150% more likely to accidentally throw up during a workout than you used to be. 
  26. As much as you miss being on a team and going to meets, you will never miss being yelled at by overzealous coaches, obsessing over knocking milliseconds off your personal records, or cross training. Screw cross training. 
  27. But so long as you live, you will call yourself a swimmer proudly.
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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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