Let us all take some time out of our day for reflection. Breathe in. And out. Now flash back to 2007, or the time most functioning members of society refer to as "that awkward stage." 

For the majority of us submitting to a session of nauseating reminiscing, that cringy stage actually may have been the golden years of adolescence. Consider the excitement and embarrassment that went along with flat-chested trips to Abercrombie and Hollister, bar/bat mitzvahs (that your crush totally attended), experimenting with trying to dye different strands of your hair using Kool Aid, oh, and braces — those metal cages that really did make you beautiful.

Now back to the future. Think hard and long on the middle schoolers of today and which phase of their awkward stage they're in. It's good to know they're in the same shoes as we were. Oh wait, they aren't — at least not wearing the stinky, tattered Birkenstocks I would step out in. Have you gawked at the fact that today's middle schoolers actually look like tiny college campus dwellers? Why do they need coffee from Starbucks? I thought we drank that at 20 to keep our decrepit bones moving. What is your excuse kid? You're 12. 

Times are changing, folks. These kids don't have the braces or the Abercrombie polo shirts with the big moose on the left. No, they're blessed with flat irons that actually profuse friz-free, stick-straight hair, a pimple free face and teeth free from cages. 

Middle school is the sanctuary of the awkward stage and a pivotal time in every young woman's life on the pilgrimage toward self-acceptance. Thinking back to 2006, in my world, I spent every Tuesday afternoon "studying" (literally translated as: my sister and me aiming to rule the synagogue) for my bat mitzvah. I also took a considerable amount of time every Saturday trying to convince my dad that it was an ideal time to drive me to the mall so he could stand in the fierce cologne-filled Abercrombie while I picked out hideously expensive t-shirts for the next two hours. It was not until 2007, though, that I got #blessed with the worst metal gift of all: braces. Yes, I was fortunate enough to host a rack of metal in my mouth for three whole years. Although I do admit the rush I experienced every couple of weeks pawning in green rubber bands for electric blue, hot pink or purple ones — oh, the important decisions I made.  

Middle schoolers of today experience an "awkward stage" from freaking Mars. I use quotation marks because it simply does not exist. Their Saturdays at the mall with their fathers are spent in Urban Outfitters or Free People. Oh, and when did they grow those boobs? Seriously, what is in the milk these days, and can I get some of that! And as much as I try to convince myself that they're deprived of those neat-o colored rubber bands because their metal mouths have been replaced by Invisalign, I'm actually green with envy. Also, screw them, because I cried for days when my mom said "no" to getting a Myspace. These little brats don't even have to hide the fact that they have a Facebook and Instagram. How in the world will these kids grow thicker skin? Society has been far too kind to them as far as I'm concerned.

For me, the awkward stage of middle school was a time spent watching the new episode of Hannah Montana every Friday night while me and my friends gossiped about the new Tiger Beat magazine and which Juicy tracksuit we each wanted to buy. But now, the girls of middle schools across the country do not even have knowledge about what life was like before JT and Cameron called it splits or what the chain email of the week is. 

Girls these days have it too easy and can just slip past the awkward stage and go straight into adult life. But it can't be healthy. Society has become algorithmic for them. It's like they have "The 7 Basic Steps to Blend in and Avoid Loving Who You Actually Are." They're like tiny robots all dressing the same and letting the majority label the individual. I want to shake them (encouragingly of course) while screaming (nicely) "THE EASY WAY OUT DOESN'T ACTUALLY EXIST." That's not to say that this generation is totally soft and aren't dealing with a whole new set of problems. But from this geezer's perspective, times are different for these kids, and I feel like they cannot relate to the struggles of 2006. 

Without a "proper" awkward stage, these girls will never understand that the traumatizing times are rewarding. Only after feeling utterly socially rejected and re-accepted will you understand how to embrace yourself. This formerly flat-chested, brace-face didn't learn to love herself by being crushed on by cute boys at age 12. I would not be the same person I am today if it were not for someone being harshly honest that Hollister was ugly and overpriced, or actively suffering through learning to love my curly hair — even though it's totally cuter straight, mom. 

The awkward stage is mortifying, but a critical time in every girl's life as a starting point for the rest of their sucky lives. Once you learn that life isn't a fun fest of everyone loving everyone, a foundation of stepping stones will follow — getting you through just about anything.

So, always remember that none of us would be anywhere if it were not for Disney Channel, Abercrombie and Fitch, and of course, the ever-so-lovely orthodontists who gave us a mouth full of metal.