So it finally happened. The moment that has been highly dreaded and slightly anticipated since the devastating news that shattered the happiness of One Directioners all over the world. Zayn released his first single since leaving the band. He is officially locked in as a solo artist.

I have tried so hard to hate him. I spent months mourning over his absence in the band but missing him turned into hating him when One Direction decided to break up altogether. He was to blame and his actions became unforgivable. I began to loathe his mysterious, soft-spoken charm and refused to listen to Zayn-heavy One Direction throwbacks. I was boycotting him. He did nothing short of ruin my life. OK, maybe that’s a little dramatic ... but still!

So, of course, I wasn’t going to listen to his new song. Who needs him, right? But then I remembered that I need him. I can’t live without his angelic voice. After the emotional roller coaster that was the "History" music video I remembered that I will always love Zayn and I would be hurting no one but myself if I deprived myself from his new single.

I gave in and Zayn Malik, "Pillowtalk" has made you both my paradise and my war zone.

I hate to admit it but Zayn as a solo artist is nothing short of incredible. His smooth voice and heavenly falsetto will leave you with goosebumps on goosebumps. Seriously, he will have you feelin’ some type of way. And that’s before watching the music video.

OK, I’ll admit, it is a little weird. Gigi Hadid was over the top (mostly because she’s the worst) and at moments it felt a little dark. But the music video is what transformed Zayn from my enemy to my ally. One moment in particular. If you blink you would probably miss it. Honestly, the only reason I caught it is because it blew up the Internet the next day.

Zayn had a subtle tribute to where it all began and the boys it all began with. Any true Directioner will remember the boy’s Halloween performance of “Total Eclipse of the Heart” on the X factor. The boys dressed as vampires with bloodshot eyes and Zayn rocked the bloody tear. Now Zayn’s mysterious ways have come full circle with bloody teardrops at the end of the music video. Ok, yeah, maybe they contribute to the whole dark thing and maybe they’re a little bizarre, but you have to appreciate the sentiment behind it. I refuse to believe that those teardrops weren’t a shout out to Harry, Niall, Liam and Louis.

Not to mention the sexual chemistry between him and Gigi. Yeah, I hate her, but only because her and Zayn are so perfect for each other that it hurts. I mean come on, it doesn’t get much hotter than that. Even if the gothic overtone of the video creeps you out, you have to admit that the makeout scenes are 100 percent worth suffering through the strange graphics and special effects.